Laziness is my true best friend.

Not just mine, really. Yours too and your neighbor’s. And I am not talking about the cat, so do not get confused.

Could you look into your mirror and earnestly tell that you are 100% happy with your life?

That you have accomplished everything you've dreamed about, that you are well off or well on your way there?

Could you say that you've done everything in your power to fulfill all your dreams? No? I’ve thought so.

Then stop wallowing in self-pity, stop complaining about bad luck, health problems, weather, weak character, mother, father, spouse (of course, spouse is always at fault) for ruining your life. Blame just yourself, baby.

And if you are not going to tell me that you've been captured and hold in a terrible prison chained to the wall for 20 years, and you are not having some horrible genetic disease that's eating you alive, then - do not complain, please, I am not going to listen.

Blame just your good old friend - laziness.

Your laziness is the best friend of yours.

Every day she reminds you affectionately, how life is unfair, how people are stupid, totally morons and do not understand you and do not care.

How good and smart you are and others are just heartless pigs, whom you should ignore all the time.

Every day she reminds you that life is too short, so don't work too hard. Don’t help other people, they do not deserve that. Eat this cake and drink tea or coffee with lots of sugar and cream - you deserve that.

You like vodka? Drink that too. You like sweets, so why not? Carry extra pounds around like a badge of honor - you are the one and only, others just idiots, who want to ruin your happiness.

Just buy XXXL clothes to cover your growing flesh. It's just genetics and stressful life, so why bother to get up and do exercises. "We all will die anyway," your laziness whispers into your ear.

And it feels so good to listen to her because your laziness knows the right words.

No jobs for you - it's Obama's fault and those stupid immigrants who are taking all our jobs from us, non-immigrants.

You do not have money to get education, don't worry, just get welfare and sit on the sofa, watch TV.

Don't get upset, when you finish your education, there will be no jobs anyway, Obama will sell everything to China, so why bother? Your sofa is so soft and your laziness knows the soothing words to justify doing nothing. Doing nothing prolongs your life. Just watch TV and sleep, sleep, sleep and then wake up and order some pizza. You do not have to go to the store to buy some stupid vegetables and cook something. Pizza is so convenient, so fresh, so tasty.You don't need anything else. It has some veggies on it too, you know, and lots of cheese and cheese is good for you, everybody knows that. After that you can drink a can of diet coke. Or a beer. You see, you are following diet, never mind, that it's just a name of the product and have a lot of harmful ingredients, - your laziness will make it up to you, she can justify that too.

Your belly keeps growing, it's okay too, you do not have to be perfect, your laziness loves you as you are. Just stay where you are, just stay in you old shabby unkempt apartment in front of you old dusty TV, watching some stupid stinky programs that were created for complete dumb idiots by greedy talented people who needed money fast.

It's okay too, just push aside cockroaches so your delivery guy could put fresh pizza on your coffee table and enjoy your life and your beer and your unproductive friendship with your laziness.

Tomorrow you'll go to your doctor, you'll be sitting in a row with some lazy people like yourself, who cannot control their life, who cannot carve something useful out of it, who left all their talents under their pillow (or somewhere else).There will be so many of them that really sick people will probably have to stay at home.

Now these lazy people want a doctor to perform a miracle for them. To take away their depression, they or other people have created, their feeling of unworthiness, tiredness, sickness, pain all over their weak bodies.

You’ll get some pills and will go home with your faithful friend laziness in tow. You will be complaining about weather, pain, bad government, inflation, unemployment.

You will be sitting there doing absolutely nothing; may be smoking. Your friend laziness takes care of that. And life will be passing by and other people will be passing by too, who see it differently, who do not look for an excuse but grab every possibly opportunity and go and do things.

They (these other people) make mistakes, fall and rise again and fall again and start all over again. And it's fine. Because it's our life. One and only. And we are what we do in it.

And if we do nothing we are nothing . Just dust under somebody else’s feet .

Did I wake you up? Sorry for disturbing you. Please, do continue.

Sleep tight. Like my firend's cat. Life is passing by, but that's okay. Amen.